Painting my reality

I have been watching many youtube teachers. Such as Bentinho Massaro, and Matt Kahn (True Divine Nature). I have also been seeking guidance from blogger Laura Bruno, and reading the blog Angelicview. In the past I’ve read angel books by people like Doreen VirtueKyle Gray, and Lorna Byrne.

I have to say I’ve been on a journey with a great variety of teachers… many not listed above. While I was watching Bentinho talk about painting my own reality, I realized that is what I am doing. For a long time I have been collecting paints, of such vivid colors and richnesses, from teachers and life.

Before my picture of reality was largely painted by others, by parents and teachers at school. It was more of a collage then an actual printing of my own hand. The images were picked out for me. That collage of reality conflicted with who I was, because it was not made by me. I tried to make myself fit into that reality, but it only caused disorder and stress. It was such a bad fit that it cracked, and I entered Insanity. My mental illness was, in effect, this poorly fitting reality shattering.

I did my best to pick up the pieces. Yet, I could never fix all the pictures of my collage to fit into my old version of reality. I’d seen that collage fall apart, and saw that it was not real. I continued life, but in a disconnected way. I’d given up on fitting in, and for a long time was just waiting to die.

Yet, my true nature was always whispering to me. Those things that filled me with wonder. It was the metaphysical that I gravitated towards, perhaps because I felt so discontented with the physical. If the physical was so unhappy, why wouldn’t I be drawn to something beyond it.

Some people would have turned to God, but the God I was taught about did not fill me with happiness anymore. The God, I had been taught about, seemed to focus too much on conditional love to make me happy. Yes, they said he gave unconditional love, but at the same time he would send sinners to hell. Too much of a focus on Sin and Fear went with the God was raised to believe in.

I never stopped believing in God, but I stopped believing that the God I had been taught about was the true one. I still pray to this day, and read books about Angels.

I was drawn to the metaphysical, but I had been taught it was Sinful. I feared greatly that my interest would send me to hell, but could not stop. Then I came to the realization that if God was Love, he would never send anyone to hell forever. This was an idea that took a long time for me to accept.

To gain courage in breaking away from my Childhood religion I’d watch Atheist videos. At times I’d wonder at how greatly they misunderstood God, but knew that many non-Atheists just as greatly misunderstand. It was the fault of Organized Religion focussing to much on exclusion, sin and hate. So I stopped looking for a new Religion to join.

There was another obstacle to my going towards the metaphysical, Science. Scientists tend to label it was Insanity. That Intuitives were Cold Readers, and Astrology against logic… scientists are smart, educated people, who can make convincing arguments. For example, Phil Plait’s Bad Astronomy particularly washed away my tide of New Age inspiration. In the end, my way of overcoming this obstacle wasn’t based on logic, but feeling. The magic was taken away from my life when I believed reality unmagical. I was unhappy, and uninspired.

I still believe in Science, just like I still believe in God. Yet, I realize that Science is made by people. In particular, people creating Science based on studies of the physical world. Science cannot understand the metaphysical because it is based in the physical. I realize there are Scientists who are also Spiritual, but Science is not the study of the Spiritual. I realize, that for some people, Science offers great happiness, and that the physical is enough for them. Yet, that is not me. What makes me happy is not the same as them, and I wish they wouldn’t label that as Insane.

So I entered the New Age world, and began collecting more paints. I have run into the paintings of many New Age teachers, but none are complete fits. One of my favorite teachings by Bentinho, is that he says to take only what resonates, and feels good. He says feeling Good is the Higher Self’s way of telling us something is right, and feeling bad is telling us it is wrong. An example could be that when Science blocked out my inspiration it felt bad so, at least for me, it was wrong.

From different New Age teachers, there is that which resonates, but never have I come across someone where all the teachings resonate. I think this is on purpose. If it resonated completely, I would just take that person’s picture of reality and accept it as my own.

I have to paint my own reality. I am doing it more every day, as a little bit of the paint is added, or the clay molded. I am drawn to find new paints, to make a more colorful painting. This time my reality will be my own. My Masterpiece, that will change its shape everyday. My reality today does not match any made before, and tomorrow it will look different.

It will be more fluid, so that it is harder to crack. If it ever solidifies, it will hold me like a cocoon. Inside I will be changing, because I never stop growing. A rigid reality is a cocoon. It will either shatter like an egg, or be genteelly exited like a butterfly.

Megan Heimer ~ To the Parent of the Immunocompromised Child Who Thinks My Kid is a Threat


Thank you Laura for answering my question without me even asking it to you. I have been debating which side to follow with the vaccine issue. The problem is that if I was wrong, I’d be taking other peoples lives into my hands. With most questions it is just me that is effected. If I get cavities for non-floride toothpaste, well its my teeth.

I imagine a lot of riots if vaccines become mandatory in California. Lots of lawsuits against such a law, and lots of parents going to jail. This is not something that will go quietly into the night. It would force a lot of New Agers to make a stand. This might backfire on whoever is fueling the flames of the media coverage of the story. When we are forced to raise our voice more of us might remember we have a voice. It could inadvertently cause a greater awakening amongst these who are most awake.

Originally posted on Laura Bruno's Blog:

This is one of the best, most informed articles I have yet read on the “measles outbreak.” I’ll post a teaser here, but please do click through to read the full article. Although not a doctor, Megan “graduated college at 19 with a degree in political science, law school at 22, [is] a certified yoga instructor and Natural Health Educator, and became a certified Naturopath after completing 4 years of training at two different institutions. [She is] also co-founder and President of a nonprofit organization, a writer, and stay-at-home mom. “[Her] hubs is a physician who holds a degree in biology, minor in chemistry, and assisted with research in biology and molecular genetics before attending medical school.”

She writes with full disclaimers, but offers important information, particularly given that Congress and the media are trying to use the “measles outbreak” to force vaccinate everyone. This would be a dangerous, totalitarian precedent to set…

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Wisp Me Away ~ A Secret Place ~ A Sweet Escape


This NDE has got me thinking about how much of a co-creator I am. How much I am actually able to have a part in changing an outcome. In this NDE, he is told that he will not have a part in the bad events happening, and he cannot change them. If we are co-creators then we each would have had a part.

After watching Bentinho’s last weekly video, I went to sleep. Bentinho had particularly focused on the importance of dancing like no one is watching because it doesn’t matter what others think. I have noticed a tendency of his to bounce between the Individual being a God(dess) who can create their OWN Reality, and that we are here to work within a collective to create Reality together. In the videos I’ve watched he tends to focus on the Individual God(dess) aspect a bit more.

The moment I woke up, the next day, in my mind I heard the words, “But it is a collective.” Along with the sound of something blowing, or popping… I guess a ballon popping.

I understand the concepts taught by Bentinho, and his teachings tend to aline with my current understanding that many of the things that happened to me in life, I allowed to happen. Yet, I do not know to what degree the things have happened due to a collective, vs I created them to learn.

In this NDE, again, we have the concept of evil beings. While reading about the child being attacked by Wisps, I remembered what the Shaman had told me. She said, “The problem with the New Age is that they don’t believe in evil.” I think back to my old fears, remembering when I was Manic and convinced I could hear the cries of Souls in Hell. The fear of, “What if I am wrong to follow my own path, turning my back to my childhood religion, and end up in Hell.”

I could be completely wrong about everything. I know very little, and everything I pieced together, has been secondhand.

Yet, when it comes down to it. I don’t want to live my life based on the fear of what could happen to me when I die. I prefer the adventure of finding my own path, over the one that was handed to me. Because the one I was given, was a bad fit.

I tend to go on spiritual journeys without doing anything to purify the space from evil first. I might attract evil spirits to me in the process so much that when I die they will attack. Just like this child being attacked by the Wisps. Yet, I do not think I will be trapped in hell forever. I think it will be scary, but during scary times in my life, (like when Manic) I knew how to reach out for help. When I get scared, I am able to send a clear psychic message for help, just like the child in this NDE.

Just because I choose not to live in fear, doesn’t mean that there are no bad things out there. Yet, I believe the Universe is set up to help those who cry for help. Even if I land in Hell beings, we know as Angels, can save me.

Originally posted on AngelicView:


“There’s a place that I go,
That nobody knows.
Where the rivers flow,
And I call it “home”.

“And there’s no more lies.
In the darkness, there’s light.
And nobody cries.
There’s only butterflies.”

~Natasha Bedingfield “Pocketful of Sunshine”

AngelicView: In this epic experience, Leonard takes us through a few experiences that he had with the other side of the veil, including an OBE/NDE during surgery at the age of eight from a burst appendix where his life hung in the balance, harassed by some other-dimensional beings, being taken to a room with a model of the Earth and being told the future, and much more. During his life review, Leonard discovers the situation surrounding his birth – and he explains it to us in great detail. He stated that he believes he had an NDE during childbirth, but I would like to propose that it may have been the…

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Choices faced when hearing the teachings of Bentinho Massaro

I am not sure what to make of Bentinho Massaro. His teachings can be a little extreme, but are fascinating possibilities. I think that looking into his teachings might provide a better understanding of his lessons then me summarizing them. You might focus on different aspects then me, and come away with another meaning altogether.

His teachings line up with many NDE’s I have read, but are hard to process in such vivid clarity. With a NDE a person is having a personal vision. It is up to you to see if it applies to your reality. Bentinho Massaro points to ‘you’ personally. It makes one realize that difference between stating ‘I am’ this, vs ‘you are.’

I do not know that path Bentinho Massaro took to discover his teachings. Yet, he is a Soul I’d like to communicate with in the afterlife, to find out.

Right, now I am in the process of picking my reality. Even if you don’t agree with Bentinho, you can see how your choices are shaping your reality.

Take the different ways I could interpret Bentinho himself, and look at how it could shape my reality. First I will start with a statement that followers of Bentinho could get offended by. I do not mean I believe this, but conventional teachings from society have not been forgotten by me.

I could notice that Bentinho offers some videos free, but his online courses cost money. So Bentinho is a co-man whose teachings convince others to spend money they do not have, by telling them that ‘lack’ doesn’t exist. He is so mercilessly manipulating the New Age mentality, that he convinces people to leave their life behind to follow ‘pipe dreams.’ His teachings are no different then those of someone starting a Cult?

If I felt too challenged by Bentinho I could always dismiss him this way. It is easy to dismiss things that challenge our entire view of reality. Yet, I enjoy a learning of a new way to view reality. Mainly because I am not happy with the reality around me. A reality were so much is off balance, and I feel to small to handle even a fraction of the problems.

I just listed the ‘logical’ scientific way that teachings get pushed away. Another approach would be to say Bentinho has been fooled by the devil, and he is leading others astray. Or perhaps that Bentinho is delusional himself. (This same dismissal was tried when people faced the challenging teachings of Jesus.)

Anyways, I was giving an example of how I could shape my reality. Each of these choices would lead to a different outcome, but there are also other outcomes. Perhaps I listen to Bentinho, and discover how his teachings could benefit me. I take what resonates with my view of the world, and leave what doesn’t fit out. Bentinho is just teaching how he views the world based on his own experience, as we have different experiences, not everything will line up. I do not need to dismiss him because he is so extreme, but I can respect his passion. Even in the teachings that seem so out of alignment with myself, I can perhaps, find a bit of wisdom. I do not have to adopt something, to consider it, and learn from it.

The other end of the spectrum being that I take Bentinho’s teachings as the unveiling of the Universe. He becomes a prophet that I follow word for word, not really taking the time to think for myself. I think Bentinho himself warns against doing this. Yet, it doesn’t mean that some will not choose this option.

Can you see how I am choosing to shape my reality? It is a spectrum from utter dismal to acceptance all the way up to mindless acceptance. I just need to take my pick.

You’d have to listen to Bentinho’s teachings to understand, why I am going into so much detail about shaping reality. I will try to remember to post a link later. I am at work right now, and cannot be seen visiting youtube.

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Did Russian Cosmonauts See Winged Beings in Space?


It is actually quite beautiful. I got an almost chilled out feeling for a moment. The Unknown entered my mind… you know that feeling. I tend to be able to handle the Unknown pretty well, but at times I am still that child afraid of the dark. The human nature of, “What I don’t see can hurt me.” I’d like to pretend to fearlessly face the Unknown, but that is a lie. I just cannot let myself hold onto that fear to the point that it hurts.

It is true that perhaps the only things to Fear is Fear, but that doesn’t mean we should deny our human nature to fear. We came here to be human, that includes all the parts we deny. Perhaps that is why Shadow work is so important. So we can live as full humans, accepting the fact we are human.

There is much I do not understand, as there are so many teachings on Earth. So many beliefs, and I can get caught up in them. So caught up, and then this belief doesn’t match that one. Do I fear the Unknown or fearlessly face it?

The Shaman says to fear Spirits attaching to my Soul, and that parts of my Soul can break off from me. That setting up a sacred circle is important before Soul journeys. That many people get trapped on Earth after they die, afraid to pass over.

Is my Soul really in such great danger, when so many NDE’s say we are God itself. Do I really need to fear, and set up sacred circles when I am a part of sacredness myself. The world is sacred already without having to call on elements to create a sacred space. Every inch of this world is sacred. All of creation is sacred, and we cannot be divided from it, right?

So fear or fearless?

Even if I am not God, as some NDE’s say, don’t I believe in God? Yes, that is one of the few things I am certain of. God is Love. I’ve felt Love. Love is powerful. I can feel it connecting me to others, and connecting those others to others. Magical how so many are connected by it. Can you not feel that powerful Love inside you? If Love is a part of you, and God is Love. Then at least a part of you is God.

Furthermore, if God is Love. He will not leave me in hell. My Soul’s journey might take me there, but I will not be there forever. Love is powerful enough to not let itself suffer forever. Am I making any sense?

I think the point of a sacred circle is to take away our fear, and give us the courage to journey freely. When we leave the known confines of our ‘normal’ reality, we fear. Through fear we can create on this journey things to fear, but only through fear do they have power over you? In the realm of a Soul journey, at least. The things I encounter on a Soul journey are just as much for my growth as in the things my Soul choose to face in the ‘real’ world. Only manifesting happens so much faster without the confines of the physical to slow it down.

Originally posted on AngelicView:

AngelicView: Some of us were discussing this subject online, and I thought it was so interesting that I thought I’d share it here – with you. :)

You might have seen the headline, “Russian Astronauts See Angels In Space”, plastered around the internet in various places such as Alternative News sites, Forums, and blogs. It was unclear to us who were discussing it where the story came from. Did they really see some kind of gigantic, light-emanating, winged creatures or beings in space? Or was it just a sensationalist article?

Some people attribute the source to be World News Daily. Yep, it was there – but it wasn’t the original source. Others say it was in the Washington Post. I scoured the Washington Post using their search engine and if it was there, it’s not there anymore.

To make a long story short, after some searching around I was able…

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Digesting Natural News

I run across the Natural News site, and I have been thinking over some of a articles. The site can be a little extreme, and I am wondering if I should write it off as Conspiracy Theory overload. The truth is, we all know that the world is corrupt in many ways, but is it corrupt to the extent written on Natural News?

If the world is so corrupt, how can sites like this survive? How is it the alternative news sources are able to continue to expose this corruptness. Truth be told, it might be only a matter of time before these sources are illegal. Even if the world isn’t as corrupt as Natural prints, it still likes to silence individual thought. Right now, these sites survive because they are not a compete threat. Society has taught people to write off such extreme sites as written by crazy conspiracy theorists. Therefore, a majority of people who come across such sites, don’t pay attention to them.

I don’t know which category to place my faith in. In this world, I see both good and bad. Conformity and Individuality. Today on Natural News, they posted about airborne mind control vaccines being released. Some look at this and laugh, but I see it as a possibility. Sadly, if it is true, I have no way of controlling it. I can only pray that it prove ineffective.

You see, I am Schizoaffective, and at times I wondered if I was a lab rat for the government. I take drugs daily that I have no idea what they do to me. It would be so easy to give me one of these mind controlling substances to see how an individual survives while taking it. I could have been picked out as a radical individual, perhaps un-American, perfect for testing on. I could have been drugged to go crazy, so that I would start taking these drugs daily in order to start the lab test.

The sad thing is that, if I were picked to do this, I would have had no way out. If I resisted, more drugs would have been given to me to make me crazier. I would have been dragged to court and forced to take the drugs.

Eight or so years later, I received a phone call to take part in a study for understanding the Schizophrenic/Schizoaffective/Bipolar Brain. A complete brain scan was done of my brain while I looked at pictures. I didn’t not sign up for this study. I received a phone call asking me to take place in it.

So if I were under such a test, the government completed their study. I saw a picture of the MRI of my brain. I was told everything looked normal, but to me it didn’t. My brain was a little on the small side in comparison to my skull. Also the line down the middle of the brain was not centered as evenly as pictures shown in textbooks. So either I was born with an uneven brain, or years of medication changed the shape of my brain.

I didn’t say that it is true that I was a lab rat. I don’t know. It is a possibility. Just like there is a possibility that airborne mind control vaccines are being released, or ready to be released.

I can take comfort in my study of NDE’s. I can see how futile the attempt will be in the grand scheme of a Soul. I think the Spirit world will only allow so much of this to occur. If this planet becomes inhospitable to Free Will, human’s will become infertile, because no Soul will want to be born here. We will be re-born elsewhere, where we can think freely.

So whoever sits behind the lab coats controlling the population might feel a power rush as complete control over humanity becomes possible. Yet, that control will be short lived. I might be a lab rat in this life, but the secret is my Soul knew I’d be one before I was born.

The Spirit World will choose one of two options. 1) Infertility leads to the end of the species (no one to control) 2) Disaster leads to the dethroning of these controlling individuals. The surviving population re-inhabits the Earth, giving the species another chance to reach greatness without trying to overcome the Law of Free Will.

You might have heard of the Tower of Babel. The problem God had was not a tall tower, but humans interfering with one of the Laws of the Universe. The tower is a metaphor, for whatever law they broke.

Why hasn’t the Spirit World moved yet? Free Will has not been completely controlled, yet. Our Souls are still able to make choices and learn. Even if mind control is going on, our Souls still find enough chances to learn that we are staying. However, if learning can better happen elsewhere, the Spirit World will arrange for us all to move.

So in the position of zero power I have over the situation. I need not fear. I need to only go about learning whatever my Soul came here to learn. If disaster befalls the planet. Do not despair. The Spirit World is just stepping in, because it has to. This is but one life, out of many.

I doubt the Spirit World will scrap the whole of the species. Humans will likely rise again to greater heights then ever before. Do not despair, even if human’s don’t survive, we will meet again in another form.

Lets celebrate that the controllers will never succeed, because each Soul is more powerful then we are able to convey in a human form. I might feel powerless, but if a single human Soul took its full power, all the power in the World could not add up to it.

The Most Patriotic Thing You Can Do #FoodFight


While all this, ‘standing up to your food,’ is nice. A great portion of Americans cannot afford anything other then the cheap poison being offered. All these people advertising eating alternatively, seem to be speaking to the elite, and not to people like me. It feels like Marie Antoinette is getting up and telling me to eat cake, when I cannot afford bread.

If you want to make America healthy, getting up and telling them to pay for food they cannot afford, is not the right answer. Only the rich can join your revolution. Stop picking on me for being poor, and telling me to act rich. If you revolution included providing Americans with enough money to buy organic, lowering the price of organic food, or creating laws that in effect did one of these, then you would have my respect. Otherwise, I’ll name you and your revolution, Marie Antoinette.

Originally posted on AngelicView:


AngelicView: I remember a couple of years ago when we had the Occupy Movement, remember? People were marching in the streets in various cities around the U.S. Some of the groups were smaller and some larger. While some of us were cheering them on, I would say that probably most people mocked them.

They said, “Look at them! They can’t even decide on one thing that they’re marching for!”

I say, “There are so many damn things wrong with this country that they are marching for all of those things.”

Many people would respond, “If you don’t like the U.S., then move out. I’ll help you pack.”

I say, “Improving the conditions under which you and your children and grandchildren live is the most Patriotic thing you can do.”

When I put on my ‘Rose Colored Glasses’, I think, well, maybe things can change without people waking up…

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