The Government is going to make a choice about me soon. Will they continue my disability? They might request an interview, and I have been trying to put into my head how I will explain my situation.
I know the conversation will flow naturally, because I am a talkative one. If the topic is myself, then I don’t easily run out of things to say. This is because I analyze myself, and my life. I analyze everything trying to understand the world, but I am must familiar with my thoughts.
I know, in the interview, they will ask, “Are you able to work?”
This is a topic I do think about a lot. I am doing much better, but still have trouble with my memory. I can lose focus and miss important steps in a task. I wonder if I will be able to survive in a more professional setting, and if I will be able to complete work in time, when I am so slow due to medication. I wonder if I can take the stress of a full time job.
Yet, then I was filling out my Disability Renewal Form in the section about work. It talked about the accommodations I receive at work for my Disability.
I receive no special treatment at work for being disabled. In fact, my work has no idea I am disabled. It is true that they moved me back to the Information Desk, instead of a more difficult desk, because I was always asking questions of Staff members when I knew they were right behind me. (Bad Memory) At the Information Desk, I am more confident and rarely call for help. The only complaint about my work, I have heard, was that I need to be more confident, and they discovered where I am most confident.
While I was filling out the form, I realized that there are people who would help me find work that accommadates for my slowness, and poor memory. I’ve tried this kind of place before with little success, but that was in another city.
A few days ago, I felt the need to pull out some oracle cards. One of the cards was about New Employment. I have thought about this deeply, and envisioned a possibility: the government will interview me for continuing Disability. They will decide to renew my Disability. Otherwise I am not going to ask my family for all that money to pay for medication. I refuse. I don’t plan on telling the Government this at the interview, but it is the truth. I will take the rejection of disability as a sign from the Universe that I need to try living without antipsychotic medication. I will still get cheap medication for my thyroid, but I am not paying thousands every month for Latuda.
I am guessing the Government will set up an appointment with Ticket to Work. This is because when asked, “Are you able to work?” I plan on answering, “I don’t know. My sister told me, “I will not know until I try.” This time, I will receive help from the program, and I will move into a new job. Before, mWorks never put much effort into my case (it was just a waste of time), but now that I am actually on Disability they might try to help me.
It is also possible I will just naturally find New Employment, without help from the Government, but I do not think this is likely. I want a job where I don’t have to lie about my Disability. A job where, if I am slower then the other worker, I do not have to feel bad. My employer will understand, and will have hired me having understood. I didn’t have to pretend to be the perfect employee to get the job. I didn’t lie to get in.
I am a good worker, who shows up on time, and doesn’t miss work. I am able to get along with many personalities, even if I am not always the most talkative, I talk enough. I am not stupid, but it might take me a while to get accustomed to the job… longer then most employees. This is because of my bad memory. All the new information during training will be hard for me to remember, but over time I will learn the job. I will be reliable, and a hard worker.