Busy Time Acoming


It is so close to Christmas, and I am so unprepared. My cousin in coming to stay at my apt, and nothing is clean yet. I have not completed making my Christmas gifts, and time is running out to do everything. Time flies so quickly. I kept on putting things off one more day, thinking I had plenty of time.

At my job, I always tell patrons the due date, and it seems so far away. Yet, those due dates, which seem so far, have come and gone. New far away due dates appear, and before long they too are past.

That is the story of my life. Years ago, I was sleeping long hours due to my medication. I barely had hours during day to live. Years went by like this. Before I knew it, I had locked myself in my room for two years. Hardly doing anything called living. Then my Nephew was born, and I focused on helping with him. He is four, and getting closer to five. Soon I will have helped my sister almost everyday for five years. Any vacation time was work, because I took vacation with my sister and Nephew. I am doing better, if still slow, yet I am not living my own life.

Happy Holidays,

The problem with discovering the genetic cause of Mental illness before the cure

Now I have been the medical system for almost 10 years with my mental illness. Michigan isn’t the best for treatment of mental illness, and I have spent years of my life knocked down by my illness. Important years. Yet, at least from the beginning the medical community admitted that they know little about mental illness.

I put up with the horrible medication with the hope that one day there would be a better choice. I participated in research, and continue to do so, not for the money, but so that mental illness becomes less of a question mark. I hoped that D.N.A. research wouldn’t be used to breed the mentally ill people out of existence (i.e. your baby will be Bipolar, get an abortion), or brain research to control people down to their very thoughts.

You might say these worries were linked to paranoia, but I’d say they are linked to a realistic understanding of humanity, based on history. Both these are potential futures gone wrong.

As a child I knew a very autistic individual, named Richard, who would come to our house everyday. One day Richard’s Mother showed up to thank us for accepting him, and letting him play with us. She talked to my Mother for a long time, and one of the things we learned was that she had been told her child was disabled before birth. The Doctors had told her to think about getting an abortion because they knew this baby would have problems. Her Husband told her if he didn’t get an abortion he was leaving. She didn’t. He left.

So this scenario has already been happening. Already some people will get an abortion if they don’t want a girl. Mental illness could be just one more reason added to the list.

If this started we would lose a lot more then mentally ill patients. Not everyone with the genetic potential to be mentally ill, becomes ill. Mental illness has been linked to creativity, and it is likely those who have the genes for mental illness are more creative whether or not they become ill. We could unknowingly start breeding our most creative human abilities out of existence.

This would most likely start happening if we discover the genetic causes of mental illness, before we fully understand the brain and illness. I imagine this will be what happens, because the brain is so complex.

I cannot stop the stigma attached to mental illness that will lead parents to get an abortion if their child has the genetic potential to be mentally ill. I can send out this warning. I don’t know if many will read it, and I have made this warning before. Yet, perhaps, it is better to understand something before you breed it out of existence.

As someone who signed papers to let my D.N.A. be used for research of discovering the genetic causes of Bipolar disorder, it is my duty to warn society. I did not give my blood to research so that mental illness would be bred out of being. I did it so that it could be understood and cured.

Dream about the solution becoming the problem

A week ago I had this dream. I meant to write it down, am just getting to it now.

I discovered how to double the world’s farming area without cutting down more wildlife. I created a structure like a parking garage where one area of farm land was built on top of another. A special filter was placed above the structure that caught some of the sunlight from the top layer and transferred it to the second. It turns out Sunlight was more powerful then thought and able to grow two layers of plants instead of just one, if used properly.

I patented the invention, and only allowed organic farmers to use it. According to the movie Origins, organic farming could greatly increase yield over conventional farming. So I doubled the amount of farmland, and then increased it further. I was not content and continued to research ways to better farm.

Then other farmers started complaining that these structure were stealing all the rain water. For some reason the layer of cooler air in the bottom structure increased the likelihood of rain over the structure. Other areas, including all the wildlife I was saving, were suddenly without enough rain.

Wildfires started to increase across the areas in America that already suffer from wildfires. I heard tidbits from the News, “Why do people have the nerve too still live in these areas?” Another news reporter said, “In Michigan parents are afraid to send their kids out for Halloween. In Oklahoma parents are afraid to have their kids at home [due to the possibility of fire].”

The solution to world hunger was turning into a disaster. Science was rushing to find solutions. In one case humans started drilling caves under the wildlife to create the same rainfall effect the farming structures did.

I woke up. I do not know if science discovered the solution, but as it seems with all of history, Human made solutions that appear to save us can turn into disaster.



My family is always telling me to take more Instagram photos. I thought adding them to the side would give a little visual appeal to the site. It might also motivate me to take more photos. I also had to choose a better layout for having Images on the Side. When I first designed the site, I liked the three panel layout. Yet, by switching to the two panel, I have a larger area for those two panels.

Please have a good day,


The lost art of transmutation (introduction to MEL)


This is a long read, but worth it. As it was getting late, I didn’t get a chance to finish this post, and had to sleep. Yet, what I read tells me that this deserves a Reblog, and even a Follow. Done, and Done. I look forward to reading more posts.

Originally posted on Profane Light:

“We all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read the clouds and see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the magic educated right out of our souls. We get it churched out, spanked out, washed out, and combed out.” – Robert McCammon

I remember when I was six years old and I saw my first magic film. It was a cinematic adaptation of a Russian fairy tale about Ruslan and Ludmila. I was absorbed by the screen and transported into an enchanted forest inhabited by tree sprites, fire spirits, mermaids with painted skin and green hair, talking birds and dancing bears. I was there alongside the princess Ludmila, when she was abducted by a sorcerer-dwarf with an enormous white beard, when she fought off his army of elvish-blue…

View original 7,794 more words

Small talk

This is one of those times when I start writing, and hope to find a subject. Here I am sitting scratching my head, which still has a wool cap on. I invested in being warm this month. Like everyone else, I sensed a cold winter, so I got new gloves and other warm winter clothes.

As I continue to be afraid to drive, and cannot even afford a car anymore, I will be out in the cold this winter. I prepare by thinking of areas of my wardrobe that could be warmer. I’d have to say that I got the basics covered. I just need to get out to the Mall to pick up new Thermal Underwear. Right now I am wearing workout pants under my work pants to stay warm. My work pants are a little thin so need an extra layer.

When people see me, they comment on how well prepared I look for the winter. They don’t realize that it is essential, as I will be out in the weather.

You see this is how I am good at small talk. I can talk about something so boring as Winter clothes. I actually am bragging about my preparedness. I don’t actually think anyone will read this post (so do not have to think of entertaining), as I took another long break from Blogging, and lost my readers. I am sorry, but might be apologizing to the air. It is the nature of my illness to change. I am just debating myself about whether I should build up a New Readership or start a new Blog somewhere else. Either way I’d be starting from zero.

Continuing Disability Form, and New Employment Oracle Card

The Government is going to make a choice about me soon. Will they continue my disability? They might request an interview, and I have been trying to put into my head how I will explain my situation.

I know the conversation will flow naturally, because I am a talkative one. If the topic is myself, then I don’t easily run out of things to say. This is because I analyze myself, and my life. I analyze everything trying to understand the world, but I am must familiar with my thoughts.

I know, in the interview, they will ask, “Are you able to work?”

This is a topic I do think about a lot. I am doing much better, but still have trouble with my memory. I can lose focus and miss important steps in a task. I wonder if I will be able to survive in a more professional setting, and if I will be able to complete work in time, when I am so slow due to medication. I wonder if I can take the stress of a full time job.

Yet, then I was filling out my Disability Renewal Form in the section about work. It talked about the accommodations I receive at work for my Disability.

I receive no special treatment at work for being disabled. In fact, my work has no idea I am disabled. It is true that they moved me back to the Information Desk, instead of a more difficult desk, because I was always asking questions of Staff members when I knew they were right behind me. (Bad Memory) At the Information Desk, I am more confident and rarely call for help. The only complaint about my work, I have heard, was that I need to be more confident, and they discovered where I am most confident.

While I was filling out the form, I realized that there are people who would help me find work that accommadates for my slowness, and poor memory. I’ve tried this kind of place before with little success, but that was in another city.

A few days ago, I felt the need to pull out some oracle cards. One of the cards was about New Employment. I have thought about this deeply, and envisioned a possibility: the government will interview me for continuing Disability. They will decide to renew my Disability. Otherwise I am not going to ask my family for all that money to pay for medication. I refuse. I don’t plan on telling the Government this at the interview, but it is the truth. I will take the rejection of disability as a sign from the Universe that I need to try living without antipsychotic medication. I will still get cheap medication for my thyroid, but I am not paying thousands every month for Latuda.

I am guessing the Government will set up an appointment with Ticket to Work. This is because when asked, “Are you able to work?” I plan on answering, “I don’t know. My sister told me, “I will not know until I try.” This time, I will receive help from the program, and I will move into a new job. Before, mWorks never put much effort into my case (it was just a waste of time), but now that I am actually on Disability they might try to help me.

It is also possible I will just naturally find New Employment, without help from the Government, but I do not think this is likely. I want a job where I don’t have to lie about my Disability. A job where, if I am slower then the other worker, I do not have to feel bad. My employer will understand, and will have hired me having understood. I didn’t have to pretend to be the perfect employee to get the job. I didn’t lie to get in.

I am a good worker, who shows up on time, and doesn’t miss work. I am able to get along with many personalities, even if I am not always the most talkative, I talk enough. I am not stupid, but it might take me a while to get accustomed to the job… longer then most employees. This is because of my bad memory. All the new information during training will be hard for me to remember, but over time I will learn the job. I will be reliable, and a hard worker.