I have been doing some detailed reading on the Thyroid. It seems to be something very hard to balance. Often the Thyroid isn’t balanced even if your Doctors say it is.
I have discovered that Schizophrenia misdiagnosis is also linked to the Thyroid. I have done some deep thinking about this. You see, I did a deep meditation and I kept on hearing in my head that, “I am supposed to be on medication.” Even if both my Bipolar disorder and Schizoaffective Disorder were only from my Thyroid, if my Thyroid ever gets unbalanced I will start thinking delusionally again. Over the years I have shown a tendency toward delusional thinking more then Bipolar Mania. So this appears to be a more common side effect of my unbalanced Thyroid. So I will accept the diagnosis of Schizoaffective because those are the symptoms I portray without a balanced Thyroid, and my Thyroid will not always be balanced.
Even now that my Doctor says my Thyroid is balanced my symptoms seem to indicate that it isn’t. My Thyroid is much better, but I took a test at The National Academy of Hypothyroidism website that says I should get more tests done (the site tells which). I also want to be tested for something called Hashimoto’s, which is an autoimmune disease of the Thyroid. I already have one autoimmune disease so this makes another more likely. I have no idea how I will find a Primary Care Doctor who is willing to do all this. I just had a physical, so my insurance will not want more tests.
Even through I am staying on medication, I would like to find the lowest dose possible. The medication suppresses some of my more extreme Autistic traits, causing me to be more social, and not lock myself in my room imagining. I need to make sure my Thyroid is in better condition before asking for a decrease in medication, however.
I stayed up late studying the Thyroid and making my decision. I am trying to make one that my family will accept without stress. I’d love to find a certified Psychiatrist who knows enough about the Thyroid to determine if I need to continue medication (and how much), but I do not think a system was ever developed for dealing with Schizoaffective Disorder linked to the Thyroid. Perhaps I am wrong, and I will get lucky.
Have a wonderful day,
I have been wondering if my unique thought pattern when I was younger was really Schizoaffective, or just a result of Autistic thought being different. The time when I was off the antipsychotic, but still on a mood stabilizer might not be a good example of my thought process. This is because my mind was on a mood stabilizer, which could have been the real problem. I was also suffering from a undiscovered vitamin D deficiency, and Thyroid problem.
The fact is, that without my Thyroid problem causing Bipolar symptoms, I would have continued to function despite thinking differently. A big part of mental illness depends on functionality. I do not hear voices, and even some Schizophrenics who do, are able to function hearing them without medication.
I am on some serious medication. It slows my thinking, and hurts my memory. I have lived with this dull feeling in my head for so long, that I do not remember what unmedicated thought is like. So should I be on it, if I am just Autistic? Should I be on it because I think differently.
I repeat that I cannot use any examples of my thoughts while on medication to judge if I am Schizoaffective. A lot of my medications can cause psychosis, even if they are supposed to be suppressing it. (Really, I’ve read the side effects.) So I cannot look back at this Blog and say this is a good example of psychosis. I’d have to look at my thought before medication.
So many years have passed since unmedicated thought, that this will be troublesome. I will simply remember the examples of possible Schizoaffective disorder without anything else. I can tell professionals about the symptoms, but I cannot be sure I accurately represent myself.
What I really need to do, is talk to someone with experience working with the Autistic. Perhaps these symptoms seem like Schizoaffective only because of a lack of understanding. Sadly, such a process would be more expensive then I can afford. Unless these sessions will be covered under normal therapy.
I think the first step is to be officially diagnosed with Aspergers or Autism. I think most professionals in the field would ask me to do this before helping me sort things out.
I still haven’t talked to my new physiatrist about Bipolar being linked to my Thyroid. It is possible I have to stay on some medication even with a balanced Thyroid. I just don’t want to be overmedicated or incorrectly medicated for Schizoaffective if I am just Autistic. This is my life, and how I feel 24/7 that is on the line. I do not want to be medicated because of a misunderstanding.
I am still shocked that my prayer was answered. In a way, I got exactly what I prayed for. In Doreen Virtue’s book, Healing with the Angels, it encourages praying for being healed of ones illness.
My prayer went a little something like this: Please heal me from Schizoaffective Bipolar disorder, but if you just heal me, I will be forced to continue medication not knowing I was healed. Even if you guided me to go off my medication to discover I was healed, this would cause my family great stress. My Doctor would discourage it, too. So you need to heal me in a way that is accepted by the medical community.
I had no idea that there was any possible way for the Angels to do this. Yet, now that my Bipolar disorder is discovered to be linked to my thyroid, I don’t know what to think. Yes, I am still Schizoaffective, but the Bipolar is gone. I already explained reasons why I would resist being healed of the Schizoaffective part. (It would change my thought process for starters.) Yet, with the Bipolar part, it is exactly what I prayed for, a medically accepted healing of Bipolar disorder (by balancing my Thyroid).
I don’t know if I should be writing Doreen Virtue about my miracle so she can put it in one of her books. It is so strange to have such a big prayer answered that I want to write it off as chance. I don’t know what to make of it. I never so much as found a feather when asking for signs before. Perhaps because the Angels knew a pretty big sign was on its way.
I am a very angel believing person at the moment, but realize that I, too, need to stop spending as much money. The angels promise to support me, but I need to help them by spending less. I feel they are encouraging me to wake up, and budget. (Something I have put off for a long time.) So, I feel, the angels are helping me, but that doesn’t mean I will win the lottery. Money has to come from somewhere, and winning the lottery isn’t always that beneficial in the long run. Sometimes it is better to learn to live with what you have.
I think Doreen Virtue doesn’t paint an accurate picture of the angels, she makes it seem like the angels will answer all our demands. Yet, she does say that often the prayers will not be answered the way we request. Still the examples of prayers being answered (in the book) often show a person getting exactly what they ask for, and not just a strong feeling that they need to budget.
I, too, use the word Angel for lack of a better word. I am not religious (I have no religion), but feel that there is some force we can call on for help. I do not know if this helping power is our own intuition, and manifesting ability working subconsciously. Or, if it is a force outside myself. Either way, I do not completely like the way Doreen Virtue portrays it, but I do believe it is good she is encouraging people to trust this force.
Originally posted on Help Me! Blog:
It’s nearly midnight on a Friday night and I’m at my mum’s watching junk on Netflix and hating myself. I’ve spent the last week going through three shoe boxes of receipts dating back 18 months. All my spending habits there in black and white, on faded, scrunched up slips of paper.
When I cried my way through February, my month of Money, A Love Story, I vowed to change my ways and I did a bit but not enough. I got stuck into the Secret and figured that ‘abundant thoughts’ would translate into an abundant bank balance. They didn’t. Then there was two months of rejection therapy which made me so miserable I took to drink. Which is expensive. Then lovely trips to Italy with F**K It.
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I remember while reading Doreen Virtue’s book, Healing with the Angels, I asked for complete healing from Bipolar disorder. Now that it turns out that it was likely my thyroid causing the problem, and it was finally discovered, I wonder if my prayer was answered?
I am still Schizoaffective (I don’t think the angels healed this, because I kind of enjoy a little psychosis so maybe I resisted being healed in this area). In the future I will try to discover if I can survive with less of an antipsychotic (with the help/approval of my doctor), because my thoughts are more free with less. I think I choose to become Schizoaffective in my Life Plan so I could experience a different kind of thought.
However, I choose in my Life Plan to become Bipolar for two reasons: 1) To experience intense emotion. 2) To get into the medical system, which would give me medication that would keep me from living too much in my own world. I did not, however, want to suffer from Bipolar disorder my whole life. I wanted a chance to be healed my the angels as well.
I think that even with medication, being Schizoaffective has offered me a different brain. I still get to think differently from even someone with Aspergers. I have a particularly unique way of thought. In my Life Plan I sculpted my unique thought so as to offer a new perspective in a very homogeneous world.
This is why it is important for me to write. I realize my Blog is not very popular, but for those who read it, it can offer one of two things: 1) As already mentioned, a unique thought pattern, or 2) A feeling of being less alone for those who also have very unique thought.
Writing also benefits me. It helps me to understand myself, and think. I think also that it was important for me to transition from Visual Art, to Writing. Writing is designed to convey thoughts, while Visual Art is trapped in the realm of emotion (usually). There is no better form for me to represent my unique thought then by capturing it in Writing. There is less room for misinterpretation.
So when I made my Life Plan, I decided to have an talent in Visual Art to get into Art School, where I would learn about Artist Statements, and conveying Concepts. I didn’t want to go to college for Writing, because I felt it would iron out the uniqueness of my thoughts. I would have to learn to adapt my thoughts to get a good grade. To me Writing and Thought are very connected.
So my Life Plan is to teach myself to Write, so that only I will grade my papers. Sure, I get feedback from the number of views a post gets, but if I stop caring about that, I am free to Write anything.
I guess I put a lot of thought into my Life Plan. I might seem like a unfortunate soul who has had to suffer many disorders, but, as Teal Scott said about disabilities, the soul is benefiting greatly from them.
For now, I should just be happy that I am no longer Bipolar. I think I should have a celebration, and say thanks to the Angels. Perhaps, before I prayed to be healed, I really was Bipolar instead of having thyroid problems.
I am feeling better today, less like something is wrong. I had a dream in which I was diagnosed autistic, but was told I was too old to be helped. My mind was already set in its ways. It was too late.
I also had a dream in which it was important to drink chocolate. It was like a medicine for dealing with other worldly things.
So I remember my dreams this time. This isn’t always the case.
I stayed up late on YouTube again last night. I was watching Real Got7, so I wasn’t really acting my age. I like Got7 because they don’t act like Idols yet. I know they will in the future, but for now they seem more authentic then most Idols.
I am a kpop fan, but recognize that the image an Idol shows the world often doesn’t reflect the person inside. There are rare cases when true personality shows through.
It can be frustrating to love k-pop, but know that the Idols are suffering from exhaustion, and have little time for life. Yet, they smile and sing anyway. They also are underpaid half the time.
Fans should boycott for better treatment if Idols by entertainment companies. Yet, fans are often unaware of the suffering.
The suffering of K-pop Idols is far greater then that of the US’s Stars. Stars suffer a little too, and this is often overlooked. Yet, they seem to have more free time and lots more money.
Really, mistreatment is to the point that I am happy Kris left Exo. I miss him, but know he will be happier. Isn’t that what fan should do? I’d feel the same for any Idol.
It was a good day overall with good food and swimming in our apartment’s pool. Next year we will be moving to another apartment. My sister has been wanting to move a long time, but because we have a good deal here, we are staying one more year.
I slept in a lot today, so the day seemed to go very fast. I also have been making a point to enjoy cherry season. This is the one time of year that I buy cherries so I have been eating lots. My Mother loves Cherries, but hasn’t gotten the chance to go to the store to buy any. My Dad has been doing the grocery shopping at home.
My diet is continuing to make slow progress. There are some weeks that I do not lose weight, however, and that can be frustrating. I lost almost 2 pounds last week. The plan with this diet was to take things slowly, and just continue it for at least a year. At times it is easy, but it would be easier if I consistently lost weight each week.
I know that I should be thinking of this as a lifestyle change, and not a diet. I think that after a year it will naturally become a lifestyle change. I will never eat as irresponsibly again, I believe. I am learning a great deal about what a person needs to survive everyday. Its a lot less then I thought.