This isn’t about writing or art’s block. It is related though. Before I was very into the New Age, but I started to question it. I guess society’s stereotypes of the New Age began to influence me. I read scientific arguments against New Age beliefs, and began to doubt. So I decided to take a break from all things New Age.
Yet, now I feel dried out of inspiration. I am focused on my health, and getting my thyroid in good condition. Yet, it does not hold the same since of Awe that some of my old blog posts used to.
This dawned on me as I was watching a k-pop music video. I thought, how nice it would be to suddenly be able to understand Korean. Then I remembered a post (here) I had written about how in a past life I might have spoken Korean, and therefore my soul enjoyed hearing it again.
I compared the feeling I had writing that post to now. Lately most my posts feel bland, and I wonder why anyone would read them. I have gotten to caught up in labels and hormones. These things are important, and effect my day to day life. Yet, they are not nearly as fun as thinking about Past lives.
Yes, I am likely mildly autistic, while researching it, it was often like my own thoughts were being reflected at me. Yet, because I am high functioning it does little more then give me a label for my thoughts. My life isn’t going to change knowing I am autistic. I am high functioning to the point that even those close to me, do not think it is likely I am autistic. You’d have to be in my brain to know.
Yet, the possibility of being autistic has helped me accept things about myself a little more. Now I have an excuse for having no friends outside of family. This will not keep me from feeling lonely, but I can be more forgiving of myself.
And balancing my hormones will effect how I feel everyday, so it is important to research. Yet, researching it can often be frustrating in that getting help from Doctors is difficult. I repetitively read about how hard it is to find a good Doctor for one’s thyroid.
This research does not fill me with joy at all. Nothing has that magical feeling of being so right, which the New Age had. Sure, I felt like a impostor when writing about the New Age. That little scientist in me made me question everything I wrote. Yet, I didn’t feel the same.
I often find myself singing this song lately. It can be is isolating to be a k-pop fan. I envision playing music for strangers and saying isn’t this great. When asked what music I like, half the time I have to explain what k-pop means.
My little nephew and me take turns picking YouTube videos. He is not that impressed by dancing. He liked the video for Solo Day, and asked to see it again.
My nephew is the only person I watch k-pop with, and he considers it girl music… Which I object to (he is only 4).
I need someone to share with. My family never really does that, and I lack friends.
I might have already mentioned that my Doctor ordered an Ultrasound of my Thyroid because of the lab results. I was curious what was wrong, so I picked up the lab results.
It appears that I have a T3, compared to reverse T3 problem. I am still doing much better, but as the reverse T3 builds up in my system, that could change. Right now I am going to follow through with the conventional treatment (to see what is decided), but continue my research.
My research tells me that a T3 and T4 combination is sometimes used. It is hard to get the dosing of T3 right, because the lab results (when on the medication) vary greatly based on how long ago the T3 was taken. For this reason it is difficult to find a Doctor willing to tackle the prescription of T3.
I will talk to my current doctor about it, and this talk will decide whether I will continue to change Doctors. First, I will wait for the Ultrasound date (this Tue.), then I will schedule another appointment.
It might be too soon to ask for the prescription of T3. First, I should do what I can (through supplements, and healthy eating) to help my Thyroid be healthy so that it better convert T4 to T3. I also need to tackle my Adrenal gland problems, or it could under mind the Thyroid.
I will repeat that I am not overly stressed. I have proof in that when I got a massage I was told that, while I had muscle fatigue, I did not have knots in my shoulders. It was my first massage, and a attempt to help my Adrenal gland by relaxing.
So I think my Adrenal problems are not linked to over-stressing myself, and that my Adrenal glands are just naturally overactive. I will start supplements for the Adrenals as well, and continue to practice de-stressing techniques.
I will not have time to tell my Doctor all of this. Yet, I will have to plan, and maybe write out a timed speech. This is help me to figure out how to fit the important information into 10-15 mins appointments.
I had an interview today, and woke up extra early to get ready. Soon I realized I was singing, “I saw the sign, it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign.” I concluded that there must be some sign for me to look out for today.
I was cutting it kind of close for showing up early to the interview. So I decided the first sign (for whether this was the right job) was for the buses to show up in good time. Check.
I decided that the second sign was that the job offered benefits even for part-time.
The third sign will be whether or not I am hired. If I am not hired, it was a pretty clear sign the job is not right for me. If I am, I can get off disability… or mostly off of it.
I am a little nervous to face possibly face a new job. I filled out a questionnaire to figure out what kind of autistic person I am. It turns out that I have a lot of cognitive difficulties when it comes to work. I cover them up, but have lots of trouble learning new things. I forget a lot of what is taught to me.
Still no one is perfect. I am consistently on time, and reliable. I hope I make up for my shortcomings this way. I have two disabilities that I need to overcome, or I will be on disability all my life. I would prefer to face the difficulties of learning a new system over not working.
I am reading The Hormone Cure by Sara Gottfried, to do as much on my own as I can about my hormone problems. I appear to be suffering from Adrenal problems, but do not feel stressed.
In the past (college days) I’d get stress about every assignment, and with this bad approach to problems, likely overworked my Adrenal glands. Yet, it has been years since then, I no longer feel stressed. I walk most days (do not have car), and have lots of free time.
Sure, I apply to jobs, and my family is constantly encouraging me to put more effort into finding a job. Yet, if I already have Adrenal problems, when I am not very stressed, imagine what it would be like to add full time employment. As someone who is Schizoaffective Bipolar, I am supposed to avoid stress. I imagined that I would be able to handle a full time job, if given the chance. A kind of, you don’t know what you can handle until you try thing.
Yet, reading The Hormone Cure shows that I do have Adrenal issues. Perhaps I am missing a key nutrition to keeping my Adrenals balanced. Perhaps I have some sort of Adrenal disorder. Sadly mainstream Doctors do not take the Adrenals seriously. Discovering any disorder will be difficult unless I find a good Doctor… which would be costly.
Adrenal problems might be the root of my Thyroid issues. I still have lots of the book to read, but hope that somewhere it will help me with my strange problem.
A lot of curing for the Adrenals involves de-stressing. I can start practicing de-stressing techniques, but feel that this will not get to the root of the issue. I do so hope that my medications are not causing my Adrenals to malfunction, but I will not come to that conclusion until all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Who knows maybe just adding certain nutritional supplements will cure the problem. Perhaps I am stressing (not much) about my Adrenals needlessly. Perhaps, my days of hormone imbalance are limited. I think any female should read, The Hormone Cure. I already recommended it to one sister, but realize that few people in my family would believe that supplements (as a first step to see if that is the only problem) can cure anything.
Along with working on my Adrenals, I will be working on my Thyroid. Thankfully my Primary agreed to run most of the tests I requested. I do hope he argued to run the one that will test for an autoimmune Thyroid problem. Since I already have an autoimmune disease. I will pick up the lab result on Tue… if they are ready. If something is off the chart, I will get a phone call.
I am hoping that I am not sensitive to gluten, or have Celiac, I do not think I have Celiac, but will need to be tested for both these things if I have an autoimmune problem. I do not want to say good-bye to gluten, but am facing the fact my days of bread might be numbered.
Being on a diet currently, it seems fully possible to cut out gluten. I will miss pizza the most, but luckily there is a pizza place (or two) in town that offers gluten free pizza. They say to beware of gluten free products because they are high in sugar and/or fat, but if it is my only option I think that sometimes I will buy gluten free. Otherwise I will just avoid bread. Luckily country is going through a gluten free stage, so I have many choices.
I haven’t posted in a few days, and I have been mainly posting about health related issues lately. I think it is important to realize how important that the Thyroid is, and that conventional medicine does not always catch Thyroid problems, however, that is not the topic of this post.
I have a very simple (if difficult dream), to write out the world that is in my head. I am unable to do this because I am too concerned with it being perfect. I have been practicing my writing, on this blog, but the kind of practice I am doing is more like connecting my thoughts to words. I still do not feel any closer to writing out my world. Yet, it is valuable to form pathways between the brain and keyboard.
I need to stop focusing on perfection when it comes to writing. The story I write will likely never be published by a big publishing company. I will publish it on my own, so that it is out there, but I am not the best editor. I feel too guilty to ask my sister to edit (even if she is very good at it) because she is very busy.
So I will start reading Immediate Fiction again. I stopped because I did not like the story I was crafting. I still think I can learn from the book, even if I do not agree with everything.
I do not want to go to college for writing. I need to craft my own style, that is ungraded. Last time I focused on writing Fiction, I posted a lot less on this Blog. My desire to write was already filled. I will try to post more this time
I am not saying I have made many quality posts lately. I have been too caught up in health. I was also taking a break from the New Age topics, because I was tired of the conflict, in my mind, between mainstream science, and New Age beliefs.
There are some important ideas in this video. It got me thinking, and I will write a post about it soon. What stuck out most is that people’s death bed regret is that they played it safe instead of following their dreams.
Originally posted on AngelicView:
AngelicView: This young man, named Geddy, has had an experience during his sleep that tops many Near Death Experiences (NDE’s). Whether you call it an NDE, and OBE, or a Lucid Dream doesn’t really matter. The fact is that he learned seemingly first-hand some of the secrets of Life which went on to change his life and his view of life, and he made this video to tell us about it.
I did have some trouble hearing him until I plugged in my headphones and turned up the volume – then no problems at all.
He begins by introducing himself and tells us what his religious/philosophical background is. Then he tells us that he had never had any kind of supernatural experience before this one. He says that he doesn’t go to sleep in order to lucid dream or prophesize, or for any other reason than to rest and rejuvenate…
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